Still going good.
Im getting impatient. I want my iPad to be here now. But It won’t be here until tomorrow Or thursday
today I got a lot done. I got a lot organized. wrote announcements for our moving. And got some painting done on my furniture.
That was my favorite part. Painting.
During my painting I had a thought. This over whelming feeling of being blessed. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. I love him and can’t wait until the rest of my life with him.
Back to work today. I feel good. I still feel like myself.
Today I cooked three meals. Two of which I froze. I enjoyed taking care of the little one. And overall it was a good day. Right now I don’t know if I can tell what would have been the best part. The whole day was good.
I feel great. I feel like the cloud that has been looming over me is going away. It’s almost gone. And it better stay gone!!
I feel myself today. I didn’t notice until my hubbie and I were sitting in the car on the way to the ft worth mall. But I was singing along with songs. Laughing. Goofing off.
I hope it lasts. But that was my favorite mOment
Even though today started out badly around 2 or 3 everything got better. I went with a great friend to Home Depot and Lowes. We had a blast looking at things and getting ideas for our new houses.
I think it’s realy helping to talk to people about this. I started telling people about it and they seem to be understanding. More understanding than I thought.
being with my friend and shopping was my favorite part of today.
Any way. Off to day 8
Day 7 is starting off badly.
I’m not allowing myself to talk negatively in my daily happiness posts. But that doesn’t ban me from bitching in my other posts, right?
I’m laying here in bed at 12:48, day 7 just beginning. I haven’t slept yet and all I’m doing is crying and typing. I’ve decided to branch out a bit and talk to some friends about my depression.
Side note: I hate that word, depression. It makes me sound like such a looser. Like I’m a suicide risk (which I’m NOT!) I wish there was another word for what I am. Besides depressed… Emotionally challenged? Ugh, any thoughts? Maybe I’ll google it.
Anyway… I started telling people about my emotionally chaneged-ness.
I told my BFF.
I told my pregnant friend, mostly to help her understand my unwillingness to talk about her “situation”.
And after ignoring my aunts emails for weeks. I just sent her one back. Which brought me to my current state of tears. Her daughters have had issues with depression. So I feel like she’ll understand, maybe even have advice.
So, here I am. Typing and crying. I’m done emailing her. And I still can’t sleep so I’m typing more. Typing this post, at freeking 1:00 in the morning. Knowing that no-one is going to read it.
Even if no-one reads this it still makes me feel better.
I really hope the rest of day 7 is better… I’ll update you later.
Now I’m off to google “depression”.
If you’ve been reading my blog then you know, I’ve been having some trouble with depression after my miscarriage.
On an Opera show I they talked about writing down the best part of your day. That way you dwell on the good instead of the bad.
So here goes,
It’s been nearly 6 weeks since my miscarriage… wow, now that I say that It seems longer than I expected it to be.
It’s also been over a year since I started trying to convince my husband to have children. (I guess that’s the first form of “trying”)
6 weeks of ups and downs… 42 days of thinking about it… several times a day.
Physically, I’m okay… my OBGYN confirmed it.
She even announced that we can start trying again.
Emotionally and physiologically I’m not even close to okay.
Every day’s a battle, Every day’s a challenge.
Not many people know that it’s so difficult. Not even my mother.
I feel like a bipolar person. One day I’m happy, able to talk about it.
And able to laugh… really laugh.
And then something happens…
Something small, I see a newborn baby. And the whole day I’m miserable.
Or something big happens, a good friend announces her pregnancy…
And for hours I cry. After that I’m depressed for days.
I feel like I’m climbing a mountain, and when I get close to the top an avalanche knocks me back down and I have to dig myself out of the snow before I can start climbing up again.
All I can hold on to is what my husband said,
“Just take it day by day, and every day is another day”