Every day is another day

It’s been nearly 6 weeks since my miscarriage… wow, now that I say that It seems longer than I expected it to be.
It’s also been over a year since I started trying to convince my husband to have children. (I guess that’s the first form of “trying”)

6 weeks.
6 weeks of ups and downs… 42 days of thinking about it… several times a day.
Physically, I’m okay… my OBGYN confirmed it.
She even announced that we can start trying again.
Emotionally and physiologically I’m not even close to okay.
Every day’s a battle, Every day’s a challenge.
Not many people know that it’s so difficult. Not even my mother.

I feel like a bipolar person. One day I’m happy, able to talk about it.
And able to laugh… really laugh.
And then something happens…
Something small, I see a newborn baby. And the whole day I’m miserable.
Or something big happens, a good friend announces her pregnancy…
And for hours I cry. After that  I’m depressed for days.

I feel like I’m climbing a mountain, and when I get close to the top an avalanche knocks me back down and I have to dig myself out of the snow before I can start climbing up again.

All I can hold on to is what my husband said,

“Just take it day by day, and every day is another day”


About lindavanruiten

I'm a 20-something graduate, with a degree in computer information systems. My lovely husband and I own a dairy farm here in Texas. Like everyone, I've had my struggles and acomplishments. This blog displays my hobbies, like DIY crafts, home remodeling, and renovations; it also displays my art, including oil painting, charcoal, pencil drawings, photography, and other mediums. I also have a category called My Thoughts, which is filled with trials and tribulations, funny stories, and of course - thoughts. Anyway, hope you like it... and FOLLOW ME!

Posted on January 22, 2013, in My Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. It’s hard. The down days are just SO down that you feel like you’re going crazy. I’d like to say they get better but so far…no. 6 months and counting since mine and I’m still a nutjob! There are the bright days in between, and they give me hope that the good will outweigh the bad. One day.

    • So… I have a question, do you think our hormones could still be out of wack?
      All of a sudden last Sunday I started feeling like myself. I was happy again and feeling good again. Of course I still feel sad about the mc. But overall I felt better. And it’s stayed. I thought at first it was just a good day and it won’t last. But it’s Wednesday and I’m still myself.
      I wonder if I’m pregnant. Maybe it’s my hopes that make me think that. But I wonder if pregnancy hormones are making me feel better. I don’t want to take a test until next Tuesday. Because I’m scared to have a false negative if I do it too early.
      I really hope so. But if its true. If I am pregnant again than it may be hope that you too can feel back to normal. This won’t last for ever.

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